so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
