We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
