clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize