Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
