I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
