Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
