Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
