I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
vagina is talking i cant
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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