I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
