I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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