He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
