It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
