How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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