So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
