You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
