clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
