Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
