dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
