who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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