You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
