i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
