lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
