Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize