I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
