I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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