Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
