I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize