I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
