i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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