Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ketchup is God's man juice
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
