Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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