I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well you can't waste a boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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