You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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