Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
