He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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