he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
