Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
