Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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