I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
