it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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