So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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