Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
