So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
