Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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