So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
