He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
