Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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