Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
