Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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