I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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