She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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