I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
