I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
