i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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