How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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