Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
