some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
