drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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