I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
