you traded sex for a burrito?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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