Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
