You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Randomize
