Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
