So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
