There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
