you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
