i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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