Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
