Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
