I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
