I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A+ Viking dick
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