During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
