The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
