So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
