we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize