I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize