dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I won the penis lottery.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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