hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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