we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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