1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
