I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
