Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
