I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ketchup is God's man juice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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