I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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