I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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