yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize