well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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