bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
