It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
