We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
