once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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