its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
