So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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