I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
