I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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