Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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