I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
